Changes..

On the one hand people tell me that I need to stay Commercial and marketable... Then my "artist" friends tell me that I should never compromise myself artistically just to make a buck..

Okay... I understand both sides and I "get it" so here's what I'm trying to do; I need to stay honest and true to myself and have the courage to make the things that sit quietly in my head until I can no longer stand it and I have to "try" it....making it gorgeous and buyable... therefore marrying the world of "marketable" and "true to myself".

It's not that I'm trying to be something I'm not. I just have a bad habit of being too private and maybe a little secretive about my inner self. And I think about her, as it were, this inner self and I don't see anything about her that might make her unlikable. I mean she's a bit dark and kinda twisted but revealing her in the art world ... I can't think of a better, more accepting venue. That's where she should be- hanging out amongst people that "get her".

Sometimes I don't even know what I'm so afraid of.. nervous about.. shy...

But I am and I'm working on that.

It gave me a fair bit of confidence to have made a set (I rarely make those much less make them from within) and it sold really quickly. So I was able to find that elusive balance between marketable and honest.

And when we talk about getting to that place, I don't always know how to get there either. But I always try and some nights at the torch are so wonderful for that. And then others are like pulling teeth. And so with that I know that not all nights will be good "kiln fairy" mornings and I have learned to accept that.

For every great piece of artwork I've created, I've created three equally as terrible. It's my 3 - 1 ratio. It's like I have to mess around for a while until I get frustrated with myself and just throw down all inhibitions and go for it. I can relate that to a lot of things in my life actually so it's not so far-fetched to say that.

I'm certainly not alone in my struggle and I know that. I'm not the first nor the last to talk about finding my artistic "voice" from within.  It's a common struggle and maybe there is a technique that I don't know about? Maybe someone has figured out along the way what the process for them or for any of us is to get to that voice more often.. to hear it as it were.. I'd be willing to try any suggestions.

So far in my career as a glass/silver/jewelry artist I feel like I've spent the first 3 and a halfish years learning technique when it comes to my glass- And now that I have a foundation of technique (never will I be done learning all there is to know about glass.. that will take a lifetime) I can go after more of the fantasy pieces that I've been dreaming about and sketching into my sketch pads for as long as I've been learning.

And there is that dark side of me.. And in learning how to balance the good with the bad.. the dark with the acceptable..

We were at dinner last night with a friend and I was trying to explain to her the kind of struggle I was facing and I mentioned this ever-present "dark side" and she said "what do you mean". And I really didn't know how to explain it. I can explain, talk about, elaborate on everything else in the world but when it comes to my art I draw a blank. So I told her what I tell everyone.. "it's better explained in what you see, how my pieces make you feel than for me to try to tell you". That just pretty much left her puzzled but in my defense I think she just didn't get it. I'm okay with that. lol

I've been obsessing again over color combinatons.. Greens and Blues mixed like the sea with metallic black and silver plum. I can't seem to get away from it and I'm not trying all that hard either.

I can't wait to sit down again and draw- my attempt at releasing the ideas from that too-quiet place in my head. But I love that process of sitting down with paper and pencil. Sometimes I think that's where I do some of my best work.

I'd considered selling those tiny works of art along with my glass and I might still do that.. as long as I can stand to give them up. I need to work on letting go.

I'm such an in the moment person.. I don't plan very well for the future (unless its for a night of torching.. but of course!) and we're getting ready to take a short few day trip out of town and I'd like to get some pieces together- As much as I love the idea it probably wont happen. I'm mainly concerned about how they will travel. I still need to get that darn padded bead case. The last time I took my beads anywhere a few got broken and I was kinda devastated by that.

Alright well speaking of working it's that time for me. I have a fair amount of caffeine coursing through my veins and I plan to use it ;)


Payton Jett Want to see more? http://www.paytonjett.com/ http://www.artfire.com/users/paytonjett http://www.etsy.com/shop/PaytonJett http://www.facebook.com/?sk=2361831622#!/pages/PaytonJettCom/129765927042502?ref=ts